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Private Number

2008-09-01

The phone rang, a private number, I briefly hesitated answering; what's hiding behind those private numbers are nine times out of ten less or more fucked up stuff. This one proved to be one of the latter:

M: Me W: Woman with a deep and an annoyingly slow voice.

The conversation


M: Norman... ...hallå?
W: Hello... is this Max speaking?
M: Ja... Yes, that's me.
W: I'm calling from Berlin. Is it OK for you to speak English?
M: Sure, no problem.
W: Good.
M: Mhm.
W: Now I would like to be perfectly honest with you.
M: Of course, no point in anything else.

(Taptaptap, mind upping the bitrate some?)

W: Well, I've spent hours and hours going through the art on your website and I very much liked what I saw.
M: Cool.
W: I will be very honest with you. I have a small private gallery here in Berlin and I want to show your art in my gallery, does that sound interesting?
M: Sure, but that of course depends on your terms and conditions.
W: My terms and conditions, yes. Well, I will be perfectly honest with you. I charge nothing to sell your art, the way I do it is that I require one special piece from each of my artists.
M: Well, that sounds fine.
W: It does doesn't it? I will be honest. Your art is highly erotic, you do know that don't you?
M: Yes, some of it is, sure.
W: Some of it, yes. I especially fell for your piece Sexual Predator, I liked that one very much.

(Aha, one of those rich, economically independent people dealing with art for their own amusement.)

(Is it just me or is that an alarm going off, somewhere?)

M: Mhm.
W: Let me be frank. Do you consider yourself being a sexy man?
M: Eh? Well... (What went through my head, over there )
W: Wait, let me put it this way, how tall are you, feet, centimetres?
M: (??) Well, I'm about 196 centimetres tall.
W: And what's your weight, kilos, pounds?
M: 100 kilos. But why...
W: 196 centimetres and a hundred kilos, is that correct?? ... No, wait, you do know where this is going to don't you?
M: Err, well I have my suspi...
W: I will be perfectly honest with you. I want you to come here to Berlin and fuck me.
M: But, I can't decide...
W: Then the deals off - off! - there's no deal and we'll hang up here and now!
M: OK.

(You mean in a human, procreative way?)




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